Public congratulations is an expectation only of the extremely online, generally of people who are less established in their careers. Maybe it's because social media wasn't popular until I was out of college, but I've never done this outside of the occasional LinkedIn posts, and I've never expected my friends to publicly celebrate my wins. I don't join into social media requests for post promotion unless it's really related to my core expertise, and the Xennial in me thinks it's a tacky pyramid scheme.
Personally, I use the apps as designed: I look at what the algo surfaces, and if I like the content, I press the like button. that's it. there is no deeper meaning.
Yet I have a successful career doing the internet. Most of the people I know who have successful careers in doing the internet don't spend their days congratulating each other.
The public cycle of congratulations was invented by people (mostly social media managers, god love them) who claim to understand "the algorithms" but it's really only the same, very small percentage of people who believe internet popularity has any correlation to success in real life, feeling like their friendships are transactional, having way too many thoughts about something they could just opt out of and no one would care very much.
Agree with a good chunk of what you’ve said, though I’m realizing it has a lot to do with which industries / communities /platforms you’re involved in online, and likely generational cohorts as well. I didn’t speak much of the positive aspects of some of these spaces, which then eventually expose people to the negative or performative aspects; if not for the former, it wouldn’t be much a challenge to leave them entirely.
I'm curious as to what your perception of positive aspects are. For me, internet popularity has never correlated with the things in my professional or personal life that bring satisfaction. Insofar as the industries, I would maybe avoid giving too much credence to any business that overvalues performative online success.
Historically media loves when they get free work from the entry level, but they don't really respect you for it long-term.
Most "creator economy" logic is folklore invented by investors; my business advice is always to build something that does not rely too heavily on your friends. There are plenty of folks in your generation who are successful in media/tech without the online element.
Conditional or transactional support is never a sign of a strong social relationship or true influence.
I loved this piece. It would be ideal to have social media for exploration and connection without the brain rot that also comes from the algorithm capturing keywords and vigorously pushing related content.
Surely nothing beats a phone call, a handwritten note or a personal recommendation in an actual conversation; it lasts longer in our memories than a dm/reshare/online praise.
love this piece anu. i think the more popularity you get online, the more relationships you build and the more your gravitas is, this becomes more of a problem. i agree i don’t think there is an easy solution, but i do believe your point on intentionality is key.
it reminds me of that naval quote - life is getting what you want out of it. as long as you are *in control* of social media’s impact and take calculated risks (positive is greater than negative).
everything in life has positive and negatives, even in-person relationships. it’s about making deliberate choices on the type of life you want to live and level of performative you are willing to accept / tolerate / embrace given society is not going to change.
Agreed, a lot of the comments here are about how unequivocally bad it is, and I think that’s a hard stance to take depending on how you engage with the world and what you produce for it. Moderation and meta awareness in all things
So you bring up really good points, I was thinking about this as well. For survival, for economic reasons, you cannot easily be invisible. So as you said, either you have the FU money already, then you might not care, otherwise you need to dance. Now, I guess there are different ways to do it, more tasteful or less tasteful ways. Twitter itself is quite tasteless, quite a circus. So I think if you see through the charade and the superficiality of all of it, then you actually want to opt out. But then if you completely opt out, you will have less opportunities in the network system. It's quite a dilemma, I would say.
I switched to this model a number of years ago. Richer relationships with more meaningful and valued feedback both giving and receiving.
“One remedy I’m contemplating: supporting fewer people with less obligation and more creativity. Thoughtful DMs, handwritten notes, genuine feedback, doing more in real life instead of online. Gestures not optimized for visibility.”
Ohh i loved this! You put it into words better than I could have. This phenomena has been bothering me for a while now, I started focusing on showing up in real life more than online. It works with some people, however, others are still stuck in the loop. They crave online validation more than anything (I was a victim of this too so I get it).
Really appreciate your vulnerability here. The topic of status has haunted me since going to an elite school in search of intelligent renegades and finding instead the most status-crazed, status-quo-reinforcing people I’d ever known.
I’ve come to think of the energetic drain from these social absurdities as a type of intelligence—the body’s way of protecting you from metabolic burnout. And you frequenting the theme of status has further made me realize there’s some great opportunity to really dissect status in a way that doesn’t readily acquiesce to its low-grade forms (abstracted away from substance, focused on signaling). I remember David Spinks actually wrote on status, rerooting the concept in participatory community.
If, per chance, pulling on that thread intrigues you, I’ll keep my eyes peeled.
Yes! It’s a topic I find evergreen in the way its rears itself. I think I’m fairly grounded, don’t feel captured by social media really, but I can’t unsee the strings being pulled is maybe the best way to put it. I’ve written about status before, and where I think focus should go as well - David is a thoughtful person here for sure
Being aware of the game isn’t the same as having agency, btw! Thankfully though, there is real agency to be had, but it lives precisely where we resist going. The answer to knots like these is always paradoxical.
Here's one I think about a lot: The person you are when not performing is actually far more interesting and worthy of observation.
True discernment rewards you with noticing that the exit route was in plain sight all along ;)
The kind of mental gymnastics you've just described makes me grateful to be in a non-online-content-creating "regular office" job in which it is wholly unnecessary. If I accomplish something cool it will gradually trickle through my network as I chat to people in person, and that's enough for me.
Noticing another continuum here: annotations / marginalia on the one end, quote tweets / reaction videos on the other. I think with the former, the only performance on display is spectacular failures to revisit responses that meant something. But maybe that should have a more meaningful audience
Ah I was thinking private and not social! Like leaving notes in the margins of books when something stands out. A level deeper than highlighting. Not the same as "highlighted by 109 others" while on Kindle, although that is more social
my instinct is that books / articles don't feel social, but evoke more interesting responses (marginalia) than social feeds. Aggregating marginalia is powerful but is not the most user friendly / social experience (spread across platforms).
Public congratulations is an expectation only of the extremely online, generally of people who are less established in their careers. Maybe it's because social media wasn't popular until I was out of college, but I've never done this outside of the occasional LinkedIn posts, and I've never expected my friends to publicly celebrate my wins. I don't join into social media requests for post promotion unless it's really related to my core expertise, and the Xennial in me thinks it's a tacky pyramid scheme.
Personally, I use the apps as designed: I look at what the algo surfaces, and if I like the content, I press the like button. that's it. there is no deeper meaning.
Yet I have a successful career doing the internet. Most of the people I know who have successful careers in doing the internet don't spend their days congratulating each other.
The public cycle of congratulations was invented by people (mostly social media managers, god love them) who claim to understand "the algorithms" but it's really only the same, very small percentage of people who believe internet popularity has any correlation to success in real life, feeling like their friendships are transactional, having way too many thoughts about something they could just opt out of and no one would care very much.
Agree with a good chunk of what you’ve said, though I’m realizing it has a lot to do with which industries / communities /platforms you’re involved in online, and likely generational cohorts as well. I didn’t speak much of the positive aspects of some of these spaces, which then eventually expose people to the negative or performative aspects; if not for the former, it wouldn’t be much a challenge to leave them entirely.
I'm curious as to what your perception of positive aspects are. For me, internet popularity has never correlated with the things in my professional or personal life that bring satisfaction. Insofar as the industries, I would maybe avoid giving too much credence to any business that overvalues performative online success.
Historically media loves when they get free work from the entry level, but they don't really respect you for it long-term.
Most "creator economy" logic is folklore invented by investors; my business advice is always to build something that does not rely too heavily on your friends. There are plenty of folks in your generation who are successful in media/tech without the online element.
Conditional or transactional support is never a sign of a strong social relationship or true influence.
i’m not sure if i should comment that i liked this post but i did haha
ignore the first 1500 words and do what the last 50 tell you!
I loved this piece. It would be ideal to have social media for exploration and connection without the brain rot that also comes from the algorithm capturing keywords and vigorously pushing related content.
Surely nothing beats a phone call, a handwritten note or a personal recommendation in an actual conversation; it lasts longer in our memories than a dm/reshare/online praise.
Phone calls are so underrated, I try to do them whenever possible
love this piece anu. i think the more popularity you get online, the more relationships you build and the more your gravitas is, this becomes more of a problem. i agree i don’t think there is an easy solution, but i do believe your point on intentionality is key.
it reminds me of that naval quote - life is getting what you want out of it. as long as you are *in control* of social media’s impact and take calculated risks (positive is greater than negative).
everything in life has positive and negatives, even in-person relationships. it’s about making deliberate choices on the type of life you want to live and level of performative you are willing to accept / tolerate / embrace given society is not going to change.
Agreed, a lot of the comments here are about how unequivocally bad it is, and I think that’s a hard stance to take depending on how you engage with the world and what you produce for it. Moderation and meta awareness in all things
Liking, commenting, and restacking for entirely selfless—laudable, some would say—reasons
must be exceptions to every rule
Great post, which inspired me to write this follow-up, on the transactional status games of Twitter and Substack:
https://notnottalmud.substack.com/p/a-theory-of-performative-engagement
thanks for sharing! added to my reading list
"I see you watching me; therefore I must dance."
I know you’re watching me so I’m already dancing
you are great Anu. for real
🙏
never has author made me think twice before liking the post
I consider this such high praise 🙏
So you bring up really good points, I was thinking about this as well. For survival, for economic reasons, you cannot easily be invisible. So as you said, either you have the FU money already, then you might not care, otherwise you need to dance. Now, I guess there are different ways to do it, more tasteful or less tasteful ways. Twitter itself is quite tasteless, quite a circus. So I think if you see through the charade and the superficiality of all of it, then you actually want to opt out. But then if you completely opt out, you will have less opportunities in the network system. It's quite a dilemma, I would say.
Every era has its version of having to see through the charade and live inside it nonetheless, I suppose the awareness confers some agency!
yeah I guess being aware of it also allows a more authentic approach:)
I switched to this model a number of years ago. Richer relationships with more meaningful and valued feedback both giving and receiving.
“One remedy I’m contemplating: supporting fewer people with less obligation and more creativity. Thoughtful DMs, handwritten notes, genuine feedback, doing more in real life instead of online. Gestures not optimized for visibility.”
I’ve already been in that model too, but I can’t help but see the strings that keep trying to pull you back, and all the people dancing.
Ohh i loved this! You put it into words better than I could have. This phenomena has been bothering me for a while now, I started focusing on showing up in real life more than online. It works with some people, however, others are still stuck in the loop. They crave online validation more than anything (I was a victim of this too so I get it).
I actually cope fine I just can’t unsee what I see!
Really appreciate your vulnerability here. The topic of status has haunted me since going to an elite school in search of intelligent renegades and finding instead the most status-crazed, status-quo-reinforcing people I’d ever known.
I’ve come to think of the energetic drain from these social absurdities as a type of intelligence—the body’s way of protecting you from metabolic burnout. And you frequenting the theme of status has further made me realize there’s some great opportunity to really dissect status in a way that doesn’t readily acquiesce to its low-grade forms (abstracted away from substance, focused on signaling). I remember David Spinks actually wrote on status, rerooting the concept in participatory community.
If, per chance, pulling on that thread intrigues you, I’ll keep my eyes peeled.
Yes! It’s a topic I find evergreen in the way its rears itself. I think I’m fairly grounded, don’t feel captured by social media really, but I can’t unsee the strings being pulled is maybe the best way to put it. I’ve written about status before, and where I think focus should go as well - David is a thoughtful person here for sure
Being aware of the game isn’t the same as having agency, btw! Thankfully though, there is real agency to be had, but it lives precisely where we resist going. The answer to knots like these is always paradoxical.
Here's one I think about a lot: The person you are when not performing is actually far more interesting and worthy of observation.
True discernment rewards you with noticing that the exit route was in plain sight all along ;)
Love your work.
Haha ty
The kind of mental gymnastics you've just described makes me grateful to be in a non-online-content-creating "regular office" job in which it is wholly unnecessary. If I accomplish something cool it will gradually trickle through my network as I chat to people in person, and that's enough for me.
Living the dream (which many people will revert back to)!
Noticing another continuum here: annotations / marginalia on the one end, quote tweets / reaction videos on the other. I think with the former, the only performance on display is spectacular failures to revisit responses that meant something. But maybe that should have a more meaningful audience
Can you say more about the annotations / marginalia piece - this is private or public? And social?
Ah I was thinking private and not social! Like leaving notes in the margins of books when something stands out. A level deeper than highlighting. Not the same as "highlighted by 109 others" while on Kindle, although that is more social
I think open sourced marginalia would be popular with the literary crowd, good Substack power feature, like inline footnotes.
my instinct is that books / articles don't feel social, but evoke more interesting responses (marginalia) than social feeds. Aggregating marginalia is powerful but is not the most user friendly / social experience (spread across platforms).
Send me the prototype once you build it!
https://enzyme.garden is how i use this currently! https://x.com/jphorism/status/1971269999726932327?s=46 wrote a tweet about it