"New Social App"

Musing #9 | Can I get an invite? And other urgent existential questions.

This essay was featured in Dirt.

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What is it about a new social app dropping that makes everyone remotely connected to tech go temporarily insane? Time to drop everything to go full throttle in search of an invite. But don’t seem desperate. You want an invite. But whatever, no big deal if not (but just to be clear, you do want it, and badly). Ok, you’re in.

Then everyone wants to know — what am I supposed to use this for? The same thing I already use the other apps for? That can’t be right. Is this the new Twitter? No, it’s Twitter meets Clubhouse meets Duolingo. Oh it’s memes-only? LinkedIn for gen alpha? the third Vine reboot? The Canadian TikTok killer? Oh is this the authenticity platform we’ve been promised? Oh, it’s just for close friends. Love that. Can I get a 100 invites?

And who am I supposed to be on here? The same person I am on the other apps? Or somebody else? Hmm. Maybe this is a chance to reinvent myself. To abandon the persona I got backed into when that one tweet went viral. To free myself of my mutuals that I don’t even like. To change my profile pic without seeming like I’m vain. A new you for a new season of life. Oh the possibilities. By the way, can I invest?

Who made this thing though? And what is their political affiliation? Are they for free speech? Are they rich? What are their views on bodily autonomy? You need answers before you can decide if you even like the app. No other way. But the founders are so cool, and like powerful and stuff. Maybe I should give it a try, for the sake of the art.