Ritual Social
Theory #5 | In the next era of social, create rituals, not habits
An updated version of this essay was featured in Every — check it out here.
I do some things everyday. They’re mostly ADLs (activities of daily living) — things like getting dressed and eating. I text, call, or FaceTime with family and friends. I work on most days. I (try to) exercise.
I also wander the internet! I use Twitter, YouTube, and TikTok a lot. The truth is that I’ve built near daily habits around these apps. I don’t consciously decide to use them anymore, it just happens.1
Some things feel different though. I do them consciously, with my full attention. They’re simple pleasures. They’re my daily rituals.
Habit vs. Ritual
Habits are things we do that get so ingrained in us they become automatic. They don’t need much effort or awareness. They can give us highs (the dopamine hits), reinforcing habits and even pushing to addiction. We can develop habits around work, play, or even patterns of thinking.
Rituals on the other hand are intentional and done with focus. Making a hot cup of tea, taking an evening walk, doing a daily crossword puzzle — there are so many simple rituals that can ground us and give us comfort and joy.
Anthropological definition aside, a ritual has standout characteristics:
It’s intentional. You consciously engage and are present.
It’s participatory. You’re active rather than passive.
It’s meaningful. It’s valuable beyond the action itself or any utility. It’s often emotional — e.g. nostalgic, fun, celebratory, identity-forming.
It’s consistent. It’s reliable in timing, expectation, quality, etc.
It’s finite. There’s a constraint around time, effort, or action itself.
Habitual Social vs. Ritual Social
Big social — my moniker for the collective of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tiktok, and YouTube2 — is emblematic of what I call habitual social.
Habitual social apps depend on having a large daily user base (the sacred DAUs). And the more time each user spends, the happier the platform.
Habitual social apps thrive off your bad habits. The notorious “doomscroll” means consuming until you run out of content, you’re interrupted, or you’re painfully aware of the time sink.3
I’m optimistic that there’s another type of social product — one that can actually thrive by creating rituals. Ritual social apps want to create meaningful moments, even if small ones.
Ritual social apps are at their best as a mindful microdose of feel-good. Anything more is just a bonus (if possible at all).
In consumer social, rituals have been likened to just a feature, a mechanic, or a new entry strategy. They haven’t been celebrated as the main thing. But, I see a lot of good in ritual social as a philosophy and core element of social products.
Ritual Social Apps in the Wild
Most experiences we think of as rituals happen IRL. But, rituals can be created online or even in an app, and they can be social.
A few apps have stood out to me on this front, and they fulfill many, if not all, of the characteristics I described. Their core experience is intentional, participatory, meaningful, consistent, and/ or finite.
Wordle — solve a daily, 5-letter word puzzle that we all talk about. It’s live at midnight everyday and needs just a few minutes of focus. The single-player game gives you a sense of accomplishment; you can hack ways to do it with friends or family. The sharable yellow-green score grids heighten the collective experience.
BeReal — share an authentic front-back selfie with friends once a day. Everyone’s notified at the same, random time everyday. It’s about being real; you only have 2 mins and no filters. The ‘give to get’ mechanic (you post to unlock your friends’ posts) makes you actively engage. (As an early investor in this one, I’m biased 🙂).
Dispo — take retro-style photos that you can’t see until tomorrow. It’s about capturing spontaenous moments, not attaining selfie perfection. You can take pics anytime but they’re only ‘developed’ once a day (create whenever but wait to consume!).
Cappuccino — share daily updates with friends as a mini group podcast. Everyday at the same time (you choose), you’re asked to record a short audio clip (<3 mins). The final compilation is shared to the group the next morning (strong ritual time!).
Letterloop — share regular updates with friends via a group newsletter. Everyone answers the same set of questions, sharing updates or anecdotes to stay in touch and build connection. The group chooses the timing, usually weekly or monthly.
