So good. This resonated. I have a journal entry i make titled "The Ego vs the Soul" and it's filled with entries i make anytime i do something that doesn't feel aligned to values i care about or is externally driven. This encapsulated those feelings clearer than i could put it.
Wow hadn't read this but makes sense a universal concept - very interesting overlaps in some parts but from a different lens, nemesis is such a great word too. I've only seen his newer stuff on culture broadly but this is better imo!
This is so good - feel like one has to accept that you cannot be immune to the mediums that are trying to create these invisible duels. They’re stronger than most people’s willpower.
Loved this, Anu. One of your better pieces imo. So much of this sticks and is pertinent to the way we all operate.. which begs the curiosity of if it’s even possible to step away from such a comparitive ladder scheme? I can understand the frustration and zero-sum game that we naturally create thru comparison > misdirection > anxiety… but I think that might happen nonetheless.
No matter the internal motivation and external blinders, I think we need certain ‘feedback’ loops to revise the north arrow. We need to constantly re-calculate in some way. Like you said, Novak did that to a point, using Rafa/Rog as rungs on a ladder. But like you said, others may not be able to. And also others may not be able to find such success by looking purely inwards.
I’m rambling at this point but still coming to a bit of a looping question: if we can do without external vision and grow as much/efficiently/aggressively by only looking inwards.
Tend to agree, we need feedback loops but very few people can calibrate a single source or piece of feedback correctly, perhaps that’s the distinction I’m making. The weighting of source of feedback is something most people are very bad at imo, often subconsciously
Another source of an invisible duel, which is unrelated to social media, is a perceived slight. If someone says something that you perceive as an insult, often you begin competing with that person without them knowing. Reminds me of Michael Jordan’s HOF speech where he talked about logs on his fire — sometimes he created perceived slights (logs) to fuel him
Eye-opening article about a topic most everyone goes through. The suggestions of distancing and leaving will still leave a hole, likely to be filled by yet another duel. The real question, which I haven’t yet found an answer for is how to find my own thing that makes these duels look inconsequential and silly.
Agreed, just a starting point. In the end I do think you have find yourself absorbed in something positively so you’re inclined to focus on it and shut out all else. Some people can will this into existence, others intentionally romanticize their own life, which can help.
I got into thinking after reading this. About me, my situation and my sorroundings. So, how do you then differentiate? Between dirty fuel and true inspiration?
I for one changed my path after a lot of thinking. But now that I try to remember, deep inside there was a lot of looking around. And I think I chose a path which will or might bring me the most money and self-respect. I don't know if I will get prestige out of it.
So, my main question would be then what to look for while changing paths?
I gave up thinking about this a few months ago concluding that it is trial and error. So, what are your thoughts?
How do I know if what I am doing is a result of philosophical alignment and not just a result of dirty fuel or a false desire to live like someone else?
Example: I would like to write and be an entrepreneur like you—not out of competition or comparison, but out of inspiration and because your philosophy aligns with mine.
My answer would be that you need to try the things you aspire to do or be, and find out if enjoy the day to day tasks, not just the vision or identity or potential outcome (or imitation of someone else you’re chasing). Ideally try it before you depend it (before quitting what you’re doing).
Damn, this hits like a thick rock. I can't tell how many times I've searched someone I've quietly competed with on LinkedIn and am remembering the collage of quarterly profile views from the same people probably doing the same to me.
I found myself in one of these one, quite an innocent walking challenge at work. The prize, nothing... doing a walking challenge that I didn't even want to do. Anyhow for a few weeks, I'm doing my steps, at the time I was overweight, and I thought.. "Ooo - I'm doing some good here" and so one Saturday I'm indisposed only to find my co-worker... has surpassed me with her steps...with an ungodly amount of steps just to surpass me. Challenge accepted. I found myself obsessing over it ! Then she goes on a hiking holiday!! This is now cheating ! I was Dr David Banner, who someone made angry... cut to the end... she went on HER hiking holiday, but I did too !
So good. This resonated. I have a journal entry i make titled "The Ego vs the Soul" and it's filled with entries i make anytime i do something that doesn't feel aligned to values i care about or is externally driven. This encapsulated those feelings clearer than i could put it.
Ego v Soul is great, good practice for self reflection, kind of like green/red energy assessments for how you spend your time.
Exactly!
Great piece. Strangely this reminded me of Ted Giaoa's essay on the importance of having a nemesis: https://www.honest-broker.com/p/you-dont-need-a-mentorfind-a-nemesis.
Wow hadn't read this but makes sense a universal concept - very interesting overlaps in some parts but from a different lens, nemesis is such a great word too. I've only seen his newer stuff on culture broadly but this is better imo!
This is so good - feel like one has to accept that you cannot be immune to the mediums that are trying to create these invisible duels. They’re stronger than most people’s willpower.
I like to think I’m immune…but I’m not
Loved this, Anu. One of your better pieces imo. So much of this sticks and is pertinent to the way we all operate.. which begs the curiosity of if it’s even possible to step away from such a comparitive ladder scheme? I can understand the frustration and zero-sum game that we naturally create thru comparison > misdirection > anxiety… but I think that might happen nonetheless.
No matter the internal motivation and external blinders, I think we need certain ‘feedback’ loops to revise the north arrow. We need to constantly re-calculate in some way. Like you said, Novak did that to a point, using Rafa/Rog as rungs on a ladder. But like you said, others may not be able to. And also others may not be able to find such success by looking purely inwards.
I’m rambling at this point but still coming to a bit of a looping question: if we can do without external vision and grow as much/efficiently/aggressively by only looking inwards.
Tend to agree, we need feedback loops but very few people can calibrate a single source or piece of feedback correctly, perhaps that’s the distinction I’m making. The weighting of source of feedback is something most people are very bad at imo, often subconsciously
Another source of an invisible duel, which is unrelated to social media, is a perceived slight. If someone says something that you perceive as an insult, often you begin competing with that person without them knowing. Reminds me of Michael Jordan’s HOF speech where he talked about logs on his fire — sometimes he created perceived slights (logs) to fuel him
Absolutely, I commented on this re: Novak Djokovic who I think does a lot of the same, but likely can compartmentalize better than the average person
Eye-opening article about a topic most everyone goes through. The suggestions of distancing and leaving will still leave a hole, likely to be filled by yet another duel. The real question, which I haven’t yet found an answer for is how to find my own thing that makes these duels look inconsequential and silly.
Agreed, just a starting point. In the end I do think you have find yourself absorbed in something positively so you’re inclined to focus on it and shut out all else. Some people can will this into existence, others intentionally romanticize their own life, which can help.
Okay so, first of all amazine article.
Second thoughts-
I got into thinking after reading this. About me, my situation and my sorroundings. So, how do you then differentiate? Between dirty fuel and true inspiration?
I for one changed my path after a lot of thinking. But now that I try to remember, deep inside there was a lot of looking around. And I think I chose a path which will or might bring me the most money and self-respect. I don't know if I will get prestige out of it.
So, my main question would be then what to look for while changing paths?
I gave up thinking about this a few months ago concluding that it is trial and error. So, what are your thoughts?
I didn’t quite get your question, mind asking again a bit more succinctly?
Okay.
How do I know if what I am doing is a result of philosophical alignment and not just a result of dirty fuel or a false desire to live like someone else?
Example: I would like to write and be an entrepreneur like you—not out of competition or comparison, but out of inspiration and because your philosophy aligns with mine.
P.S. - Thanks for replying
My answer would be that you need to try the things you aspire to do or be, and find out if enjoy the day to day tasks, not just the vision or identity or potential outcome (or imitation of someone else you’re chasing). Ideally try it before you depend it (before quitting what you’re doing).
This is one of the most authentic and truthful articles I have read in a LONG time. Kudos.
🙏 appreciate the kind words, digging into the unpleasant truths for the greater good I hope.
I am a believer in the importance of doing this... why not combine who we are with what we do? In reality, is there any other way of doing it?
https://news.the-tech-margin.com/p/stressed-out-since-childhood-pt-1
Not a plug, but an invitation :)
Great post, lots to reflect on.
Even when you've seen an invisible duel and recognized you don't want to participate, walking away is still such a challenge.
absolutely, staple of human nature
your words are magic. This is the most meaningful post i read today.
glad it resonated, thanks for reading!
You hit a nerve with this one ! Love it
thanks for your feedback :)
As Voltaire said in Candide - We must tend to our garden.
Just mind our own business and see if we can clone the good in others.
pragmatism over idealism
Damn, this hits like a thick rock. I can't tell how many times I've searched someone I've quietly competed with on LinkedIn and am remembering the collage of quarterly profile views from the same people probably doing the same to me.
I would humbly request a guest post Anu so I could bring more attention to your work and writing.
I found myself in one of these one, quite an innocent walking challenge at work. The prize, nothing... doing a walking challenge that I didn't even want to do. Anyhow for a few weeks, I'm doing my steps, at the time I was overweight, and I thought.. "Ooo - I'm doing some good here" and so one Saturday I'm indisposed only to find my co-worker... has surpassed me with her steps...with an ungodly amount of steps just to surpass me. Challenge accepted. I found myself obsessing over it ! Then she goes on a hiking holiday!! This is now cheating ! I was Dr David Banner, who someone made angry... cut to the end... she went on HER hiking holiday, but I did too !
Loved reading this!
"It's the thief of direction" hit especially hard.
Michael Jordan has repeatedly talked about driving himself harder over imagined rivalries --- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMJowIB7c_A